O’DonnellWeb

Not that any of my regular readers would ever doubt this fact

This is a picture of the final scoreboard from Who Wants To Be A Millionaire at Disney MGM Studios. There were 625 people in the studio playing. Scoring is a little different in that speed matters. The faster you answer the more points you get.

Look close – see seat 206 in 10th place?

That was me.

Our last evening at Disney we had dinner at The Crystal Palace in The Magic Kingdom. It is a buffett with the Pooh characters roaming the area for pictures, etc. Michelle mentioned that while standing in a line she felt an arm around her and a poke in the ribs. It was Tigger.

Fast forward about 45 minutes. Tigger is making his rounds to the tables, hamming it up with the kids, etc. When he gets to our table, he initially skips the kids and heads straight for Michelle and wraps his big ole polyester paws around her for a hug. And that is when it hit me.

Tigger is hitting on my wife!

Luckily his job required him to mingle with the kids, so he mingled and then was on his way to the next table. Since this was happening at the end of the meal we were on our way too.

Who knows what would have happened if he had more oppportunity to work his Tigger magic on my wife. How can I, a mere mortal man, compete with a Tigger? He’s orange, with stripes, and a tail. I can probably get orange by overusing a cheap self tanning lotion, but the black strips and tail are problematic. Further, he’s Tigger! He’s bouncy. I’m not bouncy. I can’t be bouncy no matter how hard I try. Only Tiggers can be bouncy.

I have no hard feeling though. I mean really, how could I be mad at Tigger?

Tigger rules!

Epcot
Epcot has evolved or devolved (depending on your POV) into being mostly about the World Marketplace, the collection of movie set like facades from various countries around the world. It’s the most adult of the parks, with activity being centered mostly on eating, drinking, and shopping with a handful of “attractions.” The History of Communications ride through the golf ball is still mostly lame, Test Track, the new thrill ride, is only thrilling if you are under 10. It’s quite tame for the rest of us. Mission:Space sounds cool, I didn’t ride it because I have a history of vomiting on rides that screw with your equilibrium.

MGM Studios
MGM may be the most fun park for adults. Space Tours is a simulation ride that put you in the Star Wars universe. It was Breck’s 3rd favorite ride of the week. The Indiana Jones and Little Mermaid shows are truly spectacular and not to be missed. I passed on The Rock and Roll Coaster and Tower of Terror because I’m not a heights and speed guy.

Animal Kingdom
Animal Kingdom is unbelievable. Disney has re-created the Serenghetti Plains, in central Florida. Giraffes, elephants, gazelles and other natives of the Africa roam apparently freely throughout the park. We stayed at the Animal Kingdom Lodge and could often see these animals roaming outside our hotel window. The safari tour takes you out in Range Rovers for a 20 minute drive through the plain and some up close looks and the animals. The Its’s Tough To be a Bug 3-D show is incredible and has some very well done bio feedback stuff in the seats that I won’t ruin for future visitors by disclosing here. The Dinosaur thrill ride is entertaining, although again calling it a thrill ride is a stretch.

We spent 2 days in the Magic Kingdom, one day each at Animal Kingdom, Epcot, and MGM, and a few hours at Downtown Disney and DisnetQuest. The longest we waited in any line was about 30 minutes, and we only did that once. Beyond that, I don’t think we were ever in line for more than 15 minutes.

The Magic Kingdom is, of course, the original Disney World park. However, parts of it feel very dated. Tomorrowland, home of Space Mountain, really looks like a bad parody of The Jetsons. The Tomorrowland Transit Authority, those slow moving people movers that run above ground throughout Tomorrowland, really need to go. The commentary about the transit of the future is just laughable. Also, the Tomorrowland Speedway is out of place. On one hand, you have Disney touting its eco-friendliness at every opportunity, particularly in the Animal Kingdom and Epcot. On the other hand, you have the kiddie-Indy cars which are powered by gasoline engines that I think are just hyped up lawn mower engines. They are loud, smelly, and to a generation of kids growing up on virtual racing games, probably somewhat outdated. It might be time to find a better use for that real estate. The new Buzz Lightyear ride in Tomorrowland is a big hit with the under 10 year old crowd.

Other classic attractions hold up well. The Haunted Mansion is still a blast. I wonder if I enjoyed it more because I’ve read Down & Out in the Magic Kingdom? The Pirates of the Caribbean is still fun, and although they may have PC’ed it up a bit, they missed a bunch of stuff too. Yes, we did It’s a Small World, and it is still a damn annoying way to spend 5 minutes. The Tiki Birds have been updated and are quite funny, and the Hall Of Presidents has added George W Bush. I have always thought the animotronic Presidents were very cool.

Disney has added an awesome 3D show based on classic Disney tunes called Mickey’s PhillHarMagic. It is a must see event when you are there.

With a real Animal Kingdom down the road, The Jungle Cruise seems particularly pointless. The only redeeming value is the constant witty banter from your river guide. It’s almost like they know they are the whole show for that ride.

The Frontierland Shooting Gallery is still there, which was a surprise. I would have thought the anti-gun crowd would have gotten that removed years ago.

The characters are a bigger part of the park than I remember. They have designated places to appear and kids form long lines to get autographs and pictures. Getting autographs from the characters is a huge deal, every kid there had an autograph book and pen handy at all times. The character meals are a better place to get up close with the characters. More on that in my “low stress” post later this week.

Maybe I’m just a jaded adult, but the park just feels too commercial these days. Maybe it was that way 25 years ago and I just didn’t see it because I was a kid and it was all about the magic. Most of the major rides empty out through an associated gift shop. As you try to leave the park, Main Street USA is clogged with vendors selling balloons, light sticks, and anything else they can think of to take a few more dollars out of your pocket. All the thrill rides take your picture on the big drop or other scary part and have them available for sale as you leave the ride. $12.95 for a 5 x 7 printout of a digital photograph. Are they smoking crack? The cost of the Disney experience in general is way out of hand.

Don’t get me wrong. I had a great time. The kids proclaimed it “our best vacation ever.” And that is what is really all about. Maybe I’m just bummed out that as an adult, some of the Disney magic is gone, and now I see it for what it really is. Commercialism done at a level few organizations will ever match. As a “selling machine” The Magic Kingdom is just about perfect.

We made it home, 13 hours and 45 minutes after we left. That works out to an average speed of 60.36 mph for the trip home. I averaged 65 mph on the way to Disney. 14 hours behind the wheel gave me ample time to mentally outline a few Disney related posts. Watch this space in the coming days for…

• A review of the parks
• Chris’ hints for a stress free Disney vacation
• Things adults should never do at Disney World
• Proof that I really am smarter than just about everybody else
• Tigger hit on my wife
• If your kids are screaming maybe they are trying to tell you something
• The cult of Disney

We head back home tomorrow after 6 days in the Magic Kingdom, an environment perfectly created and managed to seperate money from parents. We’ve had a great time and I’ll have stories and pictures to post next week. Right now though, I don’t want to see another theme park for a very long time.