Do Not Link to HomeschoolBlogger.com
March 16th, 2006 by COD
Homeschoolblogger.com accepts advertising from No Greater Joy Ministries, who publish To Train Up A Child, a Christian parenting manual that advocates lashing your children with plumbing supply lines, because they sting, but don’t bruise.
In an article published today about a child abuse case in NC, Gina Suarez, publisher of Homeschoolblogger.com, is quoted defending the use of plumbing supply lines to beat your child.
“[The Pearls] are talking about something that would fit in a purse,” Suarez said. “The only way you can kill a child with that is by shoving it down his throat.”
Isn’t that nice? Should the sane members of the homeschooling community really be sending traffic to their site? I say no fucking way.
I only had one HSB blogger in the blogroll. I like Scott Somerville personally, but he needs to find another place to hang his blog hat. I suggest WordPress.com.
If you are blogging at HSB, I ask why? If you have HSB bloggers in your blogroll I suggest you join us in delinking all of them. HSB is advertiser supported. The more traffic they get, the more money they get from No Greater Joy. Do you really want to support that?
Credit to Doc – it was her idea.
25 Responses to “Do Not Link to HomeschoolBlogger.com”
Those people are fucking sick and should be tried in that poor child’s death.
They are using all that Bible crap to rationalize what it really is. CHILD ABUSE.
Well, that definately makes up my mind whether or not to use that site to mirror my xanga. I’d never heard of the Pearls until I read things on Daryl’s site. It’s unbelievable.
This is a great idea! I couldn’t think of a better place to boycott. I have always thought the whole idea of their homeschoolblogger seemed like a cult to me.
The “special project” Ron and I mentioned on both our sites is run by the same software that powers wordpress.com. We’d be more than happy to host people wanting to leave there, as long as they don’t mind construction dust.
Gee, my blog has been down for hmmm, 24 HOURS NOW, maybe I’ll move too.
Oh, and to be fair and truthful, the plumbing aparatus that the Pearls recommend you beat your children with doesn’t have bib fittings on either end. So, you know, that makes it a whole lot safer and stuff. Unless you SHOVE IT DOWN THEIR THROAT.
I was just out in the barn, feeding my bottle lambs, or trying to. Seems a couple of barn cats slept under the lambs’ heat lamp. When I tried to get the lambs to come to the edge of the pen for their bottle, they freaked out and started chasing the cats around – their new leaders. They acted like they’d never seen me before (since 11 PM last night) and that I had not bottles, but bloody butcher knives. There is an analogy in there, about stupid sheep, but seeing as this isn’t my blog, I’ll just have to let you all make the connection on your own….
Love your post. Would just like to suggest that you do not link directly to “No Greater Joy.” It just gives them traffic. Your link to stoptherod.net gives a thorough enough summary of the Pearls.
I understand your point Audrey, but I think publicity is exactly what No Greater Joy needs. When you shine the light on roaches they tend to scurry away, right?
I clicked over to the online text of their book on the Japanese site – I assume it’s totally unauthorized. Stop The Rod is not exaggerating at all. It’s a sick, demented book.
Assuming of course, that the online text is an accurate copy, and I have no reason to believe it’s not.
I had a blog up there for a short time – I homeschool, blogger was having issues…
But, when I learned about the Pearls and their abusive style of discipline, and the unbelievable support homeschoolblogger is giving them, I removed all of my content. The blog is still there, though, screaming “Please delete!” I’ve asked to be removed to no avail. Good for you for bringing it to people’s attention.
And another thing. A handgun fits in a purse too, as would a grenade. Size has nothing to do with how much damage can be done here!
That’s why I don’t do my homeschooling blogging there.
“That which you have done to the least of these, you have done to me.”
Very sad, disturbing, and distressing.
I don’t mean to defend anyone in particular (and haven’t read the stuff you are referring to), but are y’all saying that corporal punishment is necessarily child abuse? Or that the use of some object as part of corporal punishment makes it so?
Just wanting clarification.
Gotcha, Chris. I see your point, too. I noticed the hits on my site are way up, too. Many of us have been linking each other’s blogs on this issue. Hope you don’t mind… I didn’t ask first (sorry), but I already linked you in mine.
Paul,
Corporal punishment is a separate issue–a non-issue in the case of this death and the connection with the teachings by Michael and Debi Pearl.
Michael and Debi Pearl twist Scripture to further their views of an ideal Christian sub-sub-culture, and teach “training” that when followed results in many homes in well-intentioned child abuse. Well-intentioned, because the parents are motivated by love and wanting to do the “right” thing, and have been persuaded by authorative sounding teachings. Child abuse, because the “consistent” application of the Pearls’ teachings for many (if not most) lead to beatings with a physical implement that is excessive beyond even what the mainstream spanking advocates teach.
For example:
“A spanking (whipping, paddling, switching, belting) is indispensable to the removal of guilt in your child. His very conscience (nature) demands punishment.”
“Only the rod of correction can preserve his soul until the day of moral dawning.”
“”a light, flexible instrument will sting without bruising or causing internal damage. Many people are using a section of ? inch plumber?s supply line as a spanking instrument.”
“The parent holds in his hand (in the form of a little switch) the power to absolve the child of guilt, cleanse his soul, instruct his spirit, strengthen his resolve, and give him a fresh start through a confidence that all indebtedness is paid. “The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly (Prov. 20:30).” “Inward parts of the belly” is a description of the physical sensations associated with guilt.”
“When your baby is tired and sleepy enough to become irritable. . . Put the little one to sleep. But what of the grouch who would rather complain than sleep? Get tough. Be firm with him. Never put him down and then allow him to get up. . . . For the sake of consistency in training, you must follow through. He may not be able to sleep, but he can be trained to lie there quietly. He will very quickly come to know that any time he is laid down there is no alternative but to stay put. To get up is to be on the firing line and get switched back down. It will become as easy as putting a rag doll to bed. Those who are MOSTLY consistent must use the switch too often. Those who are ALWAYS consistent come to almost never need the switch.” My note: However, in many loving, well-meaning, consistent families–consistency does not mean “almost never” by very frequent.
“After about ten acts of stubborn defiance, followed by ten switchings, he surrendered his will to one higher than himself. . . .The “rod” had lived up to its Biblical promise.”
The overarching themes of the Pearl’s parenting writings are control your kids at all costs, switch them, and keep switching them, and if your children don’t obey the way you want them to it is your fault and you are not being “consistent” enough and whipping them enough.
And while one particular homeschool magazine/website/blog hoster runs ads for and supports the teachings of Michael and Debi Pearl, I hope your readers understand that not all Christians and not all homeschoolers support this sort of teaching.
Some related links:
Catez on the Pearls
http://allthings2all.blogspot......oy_30.html
Avoiding Millstones
http://www.fix.net/~rprewett/millstones.html
On the Pearls and Parenting (mine)
http://www.tulipgirl.com/mt/archives/000636.html
Pearls Po-Russki (mine)
http://www.tulipgirl.com/mt/archives/000643.html
Biblical Relationships or Behaviourism (not mine, quoted on my blog)
http://www.tulipgirl.com/mt/archives/000735.html
“y’all saying that corporal punishment is necessarily child abuse?”
That’s what *I’m* saying, yes. But the Pearls’ perspective is especially depraved.
“The parent holds in his hand (in the form of a little switch) the power to absolve the child of guilt, cleanse his soul,”
So apparently the Bible is wrong that Jesus is the only one who can do that? A beating is enough, eh?
“After about ten acts of stubborn defiance, followed by ten switchings, he surrendered his will to one higher than himself…”
The parent is entrusted with the care of the child, but is not “higher” than the child, as far as God is concerned. This is just not biblical.
“To get up is to be on the firing line and get switched back down.”
So sad for parents to have such an adversarial-based relationship with their children. So much conflict and violence. All in the name of control.
I’m saying any time you hit a child, and spanking is hitting, it’s child abuse. You can’t spank an adult; it’s called assault. Hitting a child is humiliating in any form. The ritual abuse associated with different forms of “biblical discipline” goes beyond simple abuse.
There are far more effective ways to parent than hitting a small child.
I’ve haven’t read any blogs for a couple days so I’m just hearing about all this now. What these people (the Pearls’) are recommending makes me sick. And I absolutely won’t support any site/magazine/anything that supports them.
What the Pearl’s advocate is flat our child abuse. I don’t think we’ve ever spanked the kids – but that was more from a lack poor behavior than a philosophical choice to never do it at the time. Today, I see no reason to ever punish a child with physical violence.
When I was in school we had a choice of swats or writing a 500 word essay for getting into trouble. Among the boys, it was a matter of honor that you never took the essay – you took the paddle and bragged about it to your friends later.
It obviously wasn’t the deterrent the authorities intended it to be.
Yes, I realize it’s a side issue. To the extent to which various parties have been abusive and condoned abuse, I join everyone in the chorus of condemnation.
However, I do feel some concern that corporal punishment, its meaning, and the research done on it are consistently misrepresented and misunderstood.
I found particularly helpful this little article, just in case anyone is interested in the subject:
http://www.corpun.com/benatar.htm
also, this site seems to have quite a few links on the debate:
http://people.biola.edu/faculty/paulp/
Paul, of all the articles I linked above, the one I think you’d most be interested is this one:
Avoiding Millstones
http://www.fix.net/~rprewett/millstones.html
I have a weapon, it goes everywhere I go and I don’t need to hide it in my purse.
See, its my fist. I can break 2 1″ boards with my fist. Translated, that means I can break any bone in your body if I was so inclined.
Just because it’s a small package that would fit in any purse, that does not mean it isn’t lethal.
This teaching is shameful, it shames the Gospel, shames the Christian church.
Jesus said it would be better to have a millstone tied around our neck and thrown into the sea than to be guilty of causing any of these little ones to stumble.
Hi. Wanted to try to weigh in. Please read before discounting me! 1. We have read the books by the Pearls. 2. We use some of their “suggested tactics”. 3. We never read any material without a heaping cupfull of salt, nor take it as The Gospel. 4. We are Christian, and believe in all that “bible crap” as referenced in an earlier post here. No problem. To each his own. We do our thing, you may most certainly do yours. Although, I’d like to think we don’t have to call each other’s views “crap”.
On the tactic of training. I KNOW this sounds unbelievably harsh, but taken with the big ol’ cupful of salt, just try this on. Say you have 3 children, or 1, or 2, whatever. And after repeated “please do not yell or be loud in the room in which Mommy or Daddy is on the phones”, they, as children will, persist. We used “training” in this way, and it was great. We spent a few 20 minute sessions, pretending we were on the phone, and having them enter the room, notice, and practice using quiter voices. It helped tremendously. We made a game of it. We all had a laugh making up silly fake conversation. When they couldn’t go in and out of doors without closing them behind them, we made a game of running in and out of the house for half an hour, practicing closing the doors as fast as they could. It helped them remember. This is training the way we used it, and it was very productive, kind, and gentle. Fun even. Yes, we do spank, and I realize that in itself is controversial, but please let me say that we don’t beat 10 licks on bare bottoms (as suggested by the Pearls). We do believe there is a time and place for a well placed pop or two on a bottom…you may not, that’s OK. Back to the training. In using that word, which many here understandably bristle to, don’t we say “potty training”, meaning we teach/train our toddlers to use the potty? Same thing here. We all teach/train our children to brush their own teeth, listen when we speak, make their beds, read, table manners, everything they must learn to do to become bigger kids, and adults. The “Train Up a Child” reference is just from that scripture, “train up a child in the way he shall go and when he is old, we will not turn from it”. Even if you don’t buy the Bible, this just refers to trying to teach you children in your particular values, morals, beliefs, way of life. It doesn’t have to mean something so horrible.
However, all that being said, what this woman did to this poor child, is horrible. Inexcusible. I would NEVER for a minute pardon that behavior or defend it. It is a crime, and deeply, deeply sad. It’s akin to the BabyWise debacle back in the mid-90s, where a child ended up dying in his/her crib, because some parents followed that book, presumably, to the LETTER, and used not their own brains/spirits on the matter of their child crying incessantly from his little bed. But here, too, before hearing about that horrific event, we had gotten several great tips out of that book that took living with our 8 months old from misery and regret we ever had a baby, to joy, and fun, because we finally figured out a way to help him sleep. And no, we didn’t let him cry all by himself for hours. Only in 10 minute spurts, and then we’d go to him. I know some wouldn’t even agree with that, but it helped us tremendously. Untill then – he. would. not. sleep. unless we held him. I couldn’t even pee!
OK. Tending to go on too long here. I also want to add that while we agree with some points in their books, we have since determined since first reading through them, that there is something very off about the Pearls. At the very least, a strong arrogance. At the worst, he particularly, seems to be a bully to children, and the whole “ministry” carries some real cult-like tendencies (we used to live near the area they “commune in” and knew several avid followers, as well as some folks like us). I I understand not wanting to contribute to their cause, because of the association with the bad, and this very horrifying death of this little boy. I just wanted to clarify some of what we understood, and found to be good. And to say that if you come across anyone else who may reference them, or say they’ve used some of their “techniques”, they might be like us, and not been exposed to the bad, before finding a few helpful tips. We never read the books, or any other, without sifting through with our own common sense, beliefs and rational thinking. It is dangerous to take anyone else’s thoughts entirely as your own, especially without serious skepticism.
Enough said. I share your sadness and anger over this boy’s death. And understand pulling support. And want to say, again, that not all Christians, as Tulip Girl says, advocate this sort of fringe behavior. It angers us, as I’m sure it does her, that this sort of freak behavior is ever associated with other Christians.
Oh please, you can’t read a book like that, take what you like from it, and simply ignore the parts about beating babies. And it does incluse instructions on child abuse. Many of us do not believe there is EVER a need to strike a child. I’ve read the Pearl’s materials too, and every bit of it is sadistic and cruel, including Debi’s missive about being a “help meet” – what a contrived piece of garbage.
The real problem here is that too many “christian” parents wait until their children are conditioned manipulators before they start working on their behavior, and by then , they’re too lazy to do anything else but hit them.
Spanking is abuse. Period. When you allow another adult to spank you, then you can tell me otherwise.
I’ve searched my blog for the post where I referenced “bible crap” and I’m not finding it. Maybe Google hasn’t indexed everything though – so please point me to it. It wasn’t my intention to disparage the bible, I was aiming for people that use it (or any other book for that matter) to justify child abuse.
And for the record, I personally don’t think the occasional swat on the bottom of a toddler rises to the level of child abuse. It’s uncreative discipline, and unnecessary IMHO. However, those parents aren’t the target of my ire.
COD – Hi, the bible crap comment was not specifically referring to the post immediately previous to mine, but I believe it was left by a Bridget, one of the first comments. Thanks COD, if you thought I was meaning you, and you were attempting to clarify.
Doc – We seem to be coming from 2 points of perspective here. I think, when you say “christian” parents, you may be indicating that you are not one. Which is just fine. However, it does give us different world views, and debating back and forth would get us no where. Any abuse is wrong. Of any age person. I just don’t consider simple spanks on the bottom or pops on the hand to be in the category of abuse. And you seem to. So I agree to disagree. And I won’t try to tell you, or convince you, otherwise. For the record, we have not allowed our children to become “conditioned manipulators”, and they are some of the happiest, most well adjusted, respectful, and gentle kids. And as far as being lazy? Some may be. But I wouldn’t be schooling them at home in the first place, or pouring and praying over their development if that were the case. It’d be a lot simpler to send them off to the nearest public school and say to hell with it, I’ve got some shopping to do. But I don’t. I, probably like you, work my ass off.
Regardless of all of this, I still maintain my agreement that the incident in NC is heinous, and any defense of it sick. And further support of the Pearl’s was stopped on our behalf long before this, for reasons previously mentioned.