O'DonnellWeb Monthly Archives

I Am Your Public School

Public Service Announcement. Barf bags are highly recommended before reading this essay reminding us of how under appreciated the poor public school teachers are. (And a thank you to Michele for sending me the link.)

I am your public school, a 200 year-old experiment giving America the strongest economy in world history.

Given the source, I guess I should not be surprised that the first sentence is factually incorrect. Government mandated schooling did not come into vogue until just prior to WWI.

This fall I embrace more than 46 million children; for most of them, I am their only hope for future success.

Translation: The kids are screwed.

When the buses roll up, my doors are flung open to children of all shapes, sizes, levels of ability, some in wheel chairs, geniuses and the retarded, average and the developmentally disabled. They speak more than 100 languages, including Mong – the Cambodian highland children who came here with no written alphabet. I represent "home schooling" at its best for I am the "home school" of 10 million latchkey children.

And we singled out the Mong why? Just showing us how culturally sensitive they are I guess. I'm not even going to comment on the homeschool statement. I can't add anything that increases the humor already in the statement.

Some of you would judge me by test scores, but I would remind you that a test only measures one dimension of a student’s development – only in that subject on that day depending on whether the student tests well. Although, my SAT math and science test scores are at a 33 year high, and my ACT scores are up for 11 consecutive years. I remind you that those tests don’t include foreign language, music, art, drama and other vital extracurriculars.

Yep - test scores don't matter when the results don't conform to an overly inflated sense of self worth. I guess the American economy is the engine of the world because of all those drama and art majors we are turning out. The service industries thank you though. Waiters have to come from somewhere.

If some of the children fail, it isn’t for lack of trying by the faculty and staff – among the most dedicated and least paid among the industrial democracies of the world.

This statement says it all. Results don't matter, as long as they are trying. Of course, they only try for 9 months a year since they all get every summer off. Must be tough - laying on the beach in the summer trying not to feel guilty about all those kids you promoted to the next grade, even though they can't do the work. But hey, you tried, right?

My dirty little secret is that many of the 11 percent of children who drop out are the products of sorry parenting – parents who send me children who are undisciplined, unwanted, unwashed, unloved; some strung out on drugs and alcohol; some abused and neglected; few who have ever been taken to a church, synagogue or mosque. The miracle is that my doors are open to all of them and many are reached – not by textbooks alone but by teachers who know there is more to a child’s life than rote learning. For thousands of kids, the only hug they ever get they get in school.

Excuse me while I go vomit. Unwashed, unloved, strung out on drugs. Are they talking about parents or teachers? I guess the world would be a better place if children were removed from their homes all day and placed in institutional care under the direct supervision of government employees. Wait, we already do that. So who is to blame here?

It is painful to be accused of failing African American children. That’s a calumny. Our greatest hurdle is that half of African American children are born to single moms, creating a whole new set of problems for the schools.

I guess we are supposed to be impressed that they used a word like calumny. A word most of their graduates and employees won't recognize. And just where did most of those single mothers meet their respective sperm donors? Could it be at school? Could it? Could it?

My plea for more early childhood education goes unheeded, yet there are hundreds of millions of dollars for more tests.

More government. Yeah, that will solve the problem.

I grieve when I hear critics say I am "secular" because no specific beliefs are taught in this pluralistic system. But when it comes to doing God’s work – we’re on duty every day. Last year more than 30 percent of the students got their only hot meal in our cafeterias. Thousands of poor children find decent clothing and underwear in the school clothing closet filled by faculty, staff and PTA moms. Teachers spend nearly $600 of their own money for things like workbooks and pencils for needy children.

Public schools spend between 5 and 10 thousand dollars per student per year. Since you've already told us that the teachers aren't getting that money, Just what are you people doing with all that cash?

Role modeling, not mantras and Hail Marys come from a teaching profession that provides more Sunday school teachers than any other profession or occupation in America. Aren’t feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, nurturing the little ones spiritual injunctions in all the great religions of the world? No school prayer? I wish you could hear the thousands of reverent, whispered entreaties sent heavenward from students and faculty every day. God’s presence is palpable. One of the prayers I overhear most often is, "Please God, give me the patience to get through just one more day with these kids!"

Teachers praying in school? Quick, somebody call the ACLU.

Some say I should prepare more students for college, as though college is for everyone. We are the only education system that educates the student to the level of his or her ability – doctor, mechanic, engineer, nurse, computer manager, carpenter. America is third in the world in college graduation rates – nearly 25 percent with a four year degree or more.

I agree with this point. Our society is too obsessed with degrees and college at the expense of more traditional blue collar types of professions. Plumbing and carpentry are noble professions, and they happen to pay damn well too once you are the guy in charge. The entrepreneurial engine of this country is not guys like Bill Gates, it's guys like Mel the Plumber.

I am passionately committed to the belief that God gives children different gifts, and we alone address all children whatever their gifts. We play no favorites, taking all of God’s children.

As long as they aren't carrying Tylenol or Mydol with them. In that case, you want nothing to with the little drug addicted fiends.

My most precious possession is more than 5 million special education youngsters – we alone address their needs. If your heart ever needs a lift, visit with a Downs Syndrome child happily employed thanks to public education.

And you parents of special needs children thought it was your tireless sacrifice that made the world a better place for your child. Hell, why not just sign them over to your local public school and be done with it?

I suffer the slings and arrows from those who stress my shortcomings in order to defund public education. Yet my students out score students in the average charter school. Repeated studies show that when students are matched in family structure, family in come and family education attainment, public school students do as well or better than parochial school students.

Uh, care to provide those studies? I didn't think so. And by the way oh great public school teacher, it's spelled "income,", not "in come."

Defaming public education in order to promote vouchers for religious schools is an egregious miscarriage of education’s mission. I am held accountable by my school board – every dollar spent. Vouchers require zero accountability.

If public schools are so damn great, why are they afraid of a little competition? It sounds to me that you'd have to be completely nuts to ever pull your child out of public school.

Yes, my corridors have known random acts of violence, yet the FBI says a child is safer in my arms at school than in his or her own home. Thanks to the vision of our forebears, America had a 100 year head start on every other nation in creating universal free public education. Today, with all its flaws, it is the finest system in the industrial world.

Our founding persons of European Origin gave us public schools? That must be that mysterious lost 11th amendment "Parents, being wholly unqualified in the endeavor of raising and educating children, shall leave them at the government indoctrination center between the hours at 8 AM and 4 PM each day, Except in summer, when the government teachers shall endeavor to bask in the glory of a three month vacation." I went to public schools, shouldn't they have taught me that?

You would use public school dollars to construct new forms of theocratic education, yet the U.S. General Accounting Office national survey showed that a third of my buildings are dangerous and unsafe – yet no help is forthcoming

Again, they are already taking the majority of property taxes in this country. They are not paying the teachers fairly, and they are not maintaining the infrastructure. What exactly do they do with all that money?

After reading this garbage I think I have the answer to that last question.

Undoubtedly, they are blowing the education budget on copious amounts of crack. It all makes sense now.